I'm not dead!! WOAH!! (Another writers block.. Wow I'm really bad at this blogging thing.)
Dear Diary,
The other day, I poured my heart out to Ian (the guy I love). Because no one I know in real life reads this blog, I'm pretty sure it would be fine if I put our convo on this site. I wasn't really expecting him to reply. Anyways, here it is.
Me:
Hey :/ IK that you probably won't answer, but you'll read this. I love you Ian, I really do. I'm not confusing a fangirlish infatuation or crush for love; I really love you. When we talk, I feel like I'm floating. Euphoric. Amazing. *shrugs* You probably aren't going to reply. I'm not saying it to read it back, I'm saying it so you know. You're the sweetest, funniest, most adorable guy I've ever met. A lot of girls think that they feel the same way, but I really do. I'm guessing you have a lot on your hands and don't have time to message, and that's ok. I just want you to know that you matter so much to me.
Him:
Jess.. I'm sorry. I haven't been talking to you. I feel really bad. I feel like a jerk for saying this,. I like you, but don't love you. I'm really sorry. You don't even know how sorry I am. But I just don't feel the same way. I do like you as a friend though. I hope that means something. Again I'm so sorry..
Me:
No, it's okay. I didn't think that you would reply. I'm sorry for weirding you out. It's fine; there's no need to be sorry. Ur not a jerk. I'm really sorry, it's fine. I wasn't expecting u to worship the ground I walk on or anything. I just wanted to tell you that. It's okay. I'm really sorry I shouldn't have said anything, you've done no wrong.
Him:
I wasn't weirded out..
I was.. flattered
*End of convo*
The other day, I poured my heart out to Ian (the guy I love). Because no one I know in real life reads this blog, I'm pretty sure it would be fine if I put our convo on this site. I wasn't really expecting him to reply. Anyways, here it is.
Me:
Hey :/ IK that you probably won't answer, but you'll read this. I love you Ian, I really do. I'm not confusing a fangirlish infatuation or crush for love; I really love you. When we talk, I feel like I'm floating. Euphoric. Amazing. *shrugs* You probably aren't going to reply. I'm not saying it to read it back, I'm saying it so you know. You're the sweetest, funniest, most adorable guy I've ever met. A lot of girls think that they feel the same way, but I really do. I'm guessing you have a lot on your hands and don't have time to message, and that's ok. I just want you to know that you matter so much to me.
Him:
Jess.. I'm sorry. I haven't been talking to you. I feel really bad. I feel like a jerk for saying this,. I like you, but don't love you. I'm really sorry. You don't even know how sorry I am. But I just don't feel the same way. I do like you as a friend though. I hope that means something. Again I'm so sorry..
Me:
No, it's okay. I didn't think that you would reply. I'm sorry for weirding you out. It's fine; there's no need to be sorry. Ur not a jerk. I'm really sorry, it's fine. I wasn't expecting u to worship the ground I walk on or anything. I just wanted to tell you that. It's okay. I'm really sorry I shouldn't have said anything, you've done no wrong.
Him:
I wasn't weirded out..
I was.. flattered
*End of convo*
I really wasn't upset or anything. I just felt bad that he felt bad. I really wasn't expecting him to propose or anything unrealistic like that at all, I just really couldn't keep it in how I felt. I hope that he doesn't feel bad though, because he's done nothing wrong at all. :(. I'm really glad that he didn't take it the wrong way, and he was mature about it instead of acting disgusted..
Everyone is talking about prom, and showing each other pictures of their cute prom dresses. I kinda feel left out, because I'm only in the sixth grade, everyone else is in the seventh grade, & am not able to go to prom :/. Why didn't I skip a grade when I had the chance??!! *sighs* I hope that everyone has fun though :/...
On another note, Andrew still likes me, and I feel really bad for acting jerky towards him. Why wasn't I mature about it?? Ugh.. Anyways, we were messaging today, and he asked if Drewissika was dead.. I felt really awkward & bad. He's funny, but I really don't think that we should be dating.. I hope he gets over me soon, because I don't feel the same way.. This might be how Ian feels..
I've been thinking about moving to Tennesse.. I really want to be able to be able to see my baby cousin grow up, and help my aunt with taking care of her. :( But that would mean leaving behind all of my friends, and starting school at a new place.. >.< *sigh*
I kinda feel that Meow (I'm not gonna give her name out) isn't being a really good friend. I posted a video of me singing to YouTube, and now she has downloaded it, and re-uploaded it to her channel. *sigh* That wasn't really a good idea. But now, she keeps on threatening to show it to other people, send the link to people, and other stuff. The other day, she wanted me to eat something seasoned with meat, and I said no. she threatened to show the YouTube video to another guy I like.. Aren't friends supposed to make you feel good about yourself?? :(
Why can't people respect my choice that I don't want to eat DEAD, BEAUTIFUL, INNOCENT creatures. So I won't pay someone to kill something & eat the dead body, yet I'M the idiot? *sigh* .. I don't care if people eat meat or flaunt it in my face, but if you're going to spew untrue bull-crap because I won't eat dead animals, then please.. like take a step away from me. Or like 123456 steps away from me.
Me: *doesn't eat meat*
Someone: Why aren't you eating meat?
Me: Because I don't eat meat?
Someone: Why?
Me: Because I'd rather not eat beautiful, intelligent, innocent creatures.
Someone: But plants make oxygen!!1!
Me: .. But plants don't have a brain or a nervous system.. :) And my choice to not eat dead animals doesn't really have an effect on your daily life, so I believe that you should like.. really be quiet because I'm not the one paying someone to kill an animal so I can eat it :)
Someone: *spews idiotic bullcrap*
(I don't remember every single detail about that convo, but I'm pretty sure it went something like that.)
Anyways, that's all that has happened recently. :)
Everyone is talking about prom, and showing each other pictures of their cute prom dresses. I kinda feel left out, because I'm only in the sixth grade, everyone else is in the seventh grade, & am not able to go to prom :/. Why didn't I skip a grade when I had the chance??!! *sighs* I hope that everyone has fun though :/...
On another note, Andrew still likes me, and I feel really bad for acting jerky towards him. Why wasn't I mature about it?? Ugh.. Anyways, we were messaging today, and he asked if Drewissika was dead.. I felt really awkward & bad. He's funny, but I really don't think that we should be dating.. I hope he gets over me soon, because I don't feel the same way.. This might be how Ian feels..
I've been thinking about moving to Tennesse.. I really want to be able to be able to see my baby cousin grow up, and help my aunt with taking care of her. :( But that would mean leaving behind all of my friends, and starting school at a new place.. >.< *sigh*
I kinda feel that Meow (I'm not gonna give her name out) isn't being a really good friend. I posted a video of me singing to YouTube, and now she has downloaded it, and re-uploaded it to her channel. *sigh* That wasn't really a good idea. But now, she keeps on threatening to show it to other people, send the link to people, and other stuff. The other day, she wanted me to eat something seasoned with meat, and I said no. she threatened to show the YouTube video to another guy I like.. Aren't friends supposed to make you feel good about yourself?? :(
Why can't people respect my choice that I don't want to eat DEAD, BEAUTIFUL, INNOCENT creatures. So I won't pay someone to kill something & eat the dead body, yet I'M the idiot? *sigh* .. I don't care if people eat meat or flaunt it in my face, but if you're going to spew untrue bull-crap because I won't eat dead animals, then please.. like take a step away from me. Or like 123456 steps away from me.
Me: *doesn't eat meat*
Someone: Why aren't you eating meat?
Me: Because I don't eat meat?
Someone: Why?
Me: Because I'd rather not eat beautiful, intelligent, innocent creatures.
Someone: But plants make oxygen!!1!
Me: .. But plants don't have a brain or a nervous system.. :) And my choice to not eat dead animals doesn't really have an effect on your daily life, so I believe that you should like.. really be quiet because I'm not the one paying someone to kill an animal so I can eat it :)
Someone: *spews idiotic bullcrap*
(I don't remember every single detail about that convo, but I'm pretty sure it went something like that.)
Anyways, that's all that has happened recently. :)
If you've liked reading this and want to see more in the future, tell me in the comments!! If you like this blog, then please share it with your friends!! See you later! <3
~Jessika <3
~Jessika <3